


Pretty Scarred

by Viridian5



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Canon - Manga, Drama, Gen, Introspection, Saiyuki Reload Blast manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1820650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes scars are preferable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretty Scarred

**Author's Note:**

> _Major_ spoilers for “Shot 4: Kouten” in _Saiyuki Reload Blast_ ; small ones for _Saiyuki Reload_ ’s “Burial -- Genjyo Sanzo’s chapter” and “Even a Worm” and _Saiyuki_ vol. 2 and 3.
> 
> The momentous events in each new installment, with many months between installments due to Sensei’s misfortunes, have been blocking me on writing _Saiyuki_ stuff since the latter days of “Even a Worm” but finally I decided to just go for it for once, potential future Jossing be damned.

Although Sanzo vaguely felt Hakkai’s healing chi and the monkey’s concern during his delirious semi-consciousness, the agonizing sensation of being on fire overwhelmed them and made every moment feel like an eternity. He had enough experience with regular burns to know that sensation continued that way in many cases, though he didn’t know if his injuries coming from mystical fire made that better or worse, and his right arm and face had been very badly burned. Running on adrenaline, sheer will, and spite, he hadn’t really felt them at first, but they more than made up for that now. Pain might have been an old companion of his, but the burning and chills in addition to it kept shaking him, and his weak body refused to do anything he told it to do. Sheer will alone couldn’t bring him any farther.

Sometimes his burnt flesh smelled terrible, but sometimes he thought he smelled delicious. Just pass the barbecue sauce. Another cruelty for Goku though.

He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering... and fading out....

Hakkai would no doubt wonder what he’d been _thinking_ , to which Sanzo would answer that it had seemed like the best option at the time, to which Hakkai might reply, “You truly are committed to a highly masochistic lifestyle, ha ha.”

Kougaiji had pissed him off, _still_ pissed him off. The “noble” youkai prince kept doing dirty shit but did it half-heartedly as if that excused it and let him continue to be the righteous man he thought himself. His minions coddled and protected him too much too, often doing his dirty work themselves to leave his hands cleaner. That did him no favors. The prince needed to figure out what he really wanted and why and what he was willing to do to get it, take some fucking responsibility, stop pretending to himself, and get serious. Sanzo wouldn’t care--he wasn’t Kougaiji’s therapist--if Kougaiji’s faults didn’t keep killing and hurting people, threatening the world, and getting in Sanzo’s way and annoying him.

Sanzo had needed a way to keep him from attacking Sharak, whose shielding, once completed, would protect countless people and the Kouten sutra. It being so easy to yank Kougaiji’s chain didn’t make it less fun, and Kougaiji _needed_ to have his nose rubbed in his mess. 

But it had left Sanzo a mess....

Sanzo hoped he’d still be able to use his right arm after this, given how useful arms were, but wouldn’t mind his face being messed up as long as his eyes still worked. If he still had a nose and ears to rest them on he’d even be able to keep using his current reading glasses. Not that he wouldn’t continue on with everything if he had only one arm and one eye, but if anybody cared about his preferences, those were it. 

His “pretty” face had always been a problem for him. People seemed more offended when a pretty person refused to go along with their bullshit, refused to shape themselves to be what the people coveting them wanted and be gracious to them and flattered by their unwanted attention and intentions. It increased the number of people who judged him on his looks instead of his character or deeds and made it more difficult for people to see _him_ , forcing him to be even louder and nastier to get his point across. “Pretty” was obligated to guarantee “nice” or “pushover” and obligated to smile, since “frown lines would be such a tragedy.” (Sanzo could show them real tragedy.) It made people waste his time and add shit to his pile. It made total strangers more likely to mess with him and think it gave them license to touch and stare at him, to force themselves on him in every way. Hazel might not have spent quite so much time attached to him and creepily flirting with him if he hadn’t been pretty. It definitely made him more of a target for violence, especially while he’d been traveling the roads alone for years after that bloody night at Kinzan Temple. He’d had to kill and kill and kill to protect himself, which had almost broken him completely.

His prettiness had made even Shuei, someone Sanzo had liked and respected who’d also liked and respected him, sometimes look at him in that addled _hungry_ way that had made Sanzo, even as a child who hadn’t really understood what it could signify, somewhat uncomfortable. His prettiness led to almost everyone thinking that his master had sex with him, tainting his master’s reputation. 

When Sanzo had come to Keiun Temple soul-weary and nearly broken but still obstinate, the monks hated having him there but some said that it would be quite the coup to have a resident Sanzo and that he’d be quite the “ornament,” like another inert, pretty golden statue for the faithful to genuflect to, an _object_ whose value came only from what people ascribed to it. Too bad about his mental and physical scars, but the robes hid all the physical ones so who’d even know? 

Sanzo liked his scars, appreciating the way they implied the challenges and suffering he’d survived. Sharak’s scars and the nonchalance she wore them with only made him respect her and her strength even more.

Some serious facial scarring might get him fewer remarks like “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” and more moments of gape-mouthed silence, which would be appreciated, so if he could, he’d tell Hakkai not to pour _too_ much of his own life energy into erasing the cosmetic portions of this new damage. He’d tell his gang of idiots to save their worry for someone who needed it since there might be some benefits for him in this. (And people thought him incapable of optimism.) He’d tell Goku that fuckin’ Kougaiji’s half-assed efforts couldn’t keep him down, while Hakkai already worried about Gojyo and didn’t need uselessness further crowding his mind. Gojyo... whatever, he didn’t really know what was up with the kappa. He wanted to tell Hakkai about that strange powerful kid who’d just about disintegrated those youkai before disappearing as mysteriously as he’d arrived, because they needed to know about every player in this traveling shit show they’d been on. 

He’d tell them all of that if he could, but right now he couldn’t get his body to work and didn’t have the energy, all his attempts to gather and focus his will be damned....

 

### End


End file.
